you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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