Say something about gay babies.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
