I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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