This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
