Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
