I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
