Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
