he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Houston, we have a squirter
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
