The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
