i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
