I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
