i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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