In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
