...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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