theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
