I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
