Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
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sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
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You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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