so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
