hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
