My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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