I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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