just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
