what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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