i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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