How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
