The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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