homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
