Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
