he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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