Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
