sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
