if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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