is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Randomize
