Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
someone owes me an orgasm
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
