I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
