u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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