soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
