Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
