you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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