drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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