Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
