Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You're like the curious george of whores
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
