She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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