I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
