Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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