I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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