I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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