Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
