His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
