hell yes lets make some ravioli
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
