Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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