Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
