i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize