Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
