You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
