i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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