like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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