Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
