Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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