Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
