Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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