Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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