Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
