Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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