I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
