the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
