Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
