mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I wish my penis had an off switch
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
