Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
