I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
