kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
