My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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