I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I party with great urgency now.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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