Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
