My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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