Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
