i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
